Though it satisfies my selfish mind to align myself, to toe the line, I must move away from mirrored minds and reflective voices on the chorus line shouting “we are right and they are lying.” I want my beliefs to be challenged, and you secure enough to be challenged.
I want to be without answers and confidently balanced.
I have no use for you who are right and you who are wrong.
I want to be steady on trembling roads where all is not right and all has gone wrong. I want to surprise my shadow and know that I am not all black nor all white.
Fling forth all beliefs and surrender all answers. They don’t mean a thing. The language will change and though we have the means we no longer feel the need. We will know how to move on these trembling roads and we will trust ourselves more than we did before.
Attachment melts from our golden eyes
The path we are on is not a pack of lies.
And as you beat your heart with no education
You will trust your words without hesitation.
You and I with golden eyes no longer need to proselytize or win the war or steal the skies. We just walk along on trembling roads and as we speak the pathway grows and roots are born and sorrow goes. And though the sun is sleeping even the blind can see that the brightness between us is the sunshine within us and the sunshine within us is the sun that you see.
What is generally hidden from others is explored openly and honestly here in an attempt to elicit the shadow out of myself and the reader. Perhaps you yourself would sooner disguise some struggle you are facing to avoid any feelings of embarrassment or shame. You may even feel you are successful at hiding certain aspects of yourself, though most likely you, like me, are far less successful at hiding your demons than you wish to believe. You may consider that when one is hidden one cannot be helped, nor can they be of use to others. Successfully keeping one’s shortcomings hidden is a self-imposed impediment to one’s growth, usefulness, and happiness. Suffering in silence only increases the suffering and confounds those who care for the sufferer; It is an unhealthy way to cope with life. I hope to show that there is no weakness in admitting and confronting one’s shortcomings. My struggle and experience are well-documented within.
The more I create and write the further I trudge into my insecurities, my private life. I write candidly, honestly, and hopefully in a way that flows well and is easy for the reader to grasp. My work and understanding must be thorough or else I lose balance in life. I write to exercise and relieve my mind.
I have accepted that this life is a challenge, it is difficult, and there are no maps. I have accepted that most of this world is beyond my comprehension and, even more, is out of my control. Through my essays, I hope to illustrate and investigate methods of relinquishing the human will, freeing me from self-will, and releasing the desire for control and power.
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